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Go Ahead, Rip Me A New Asshole - I Need Something To Blog About!

The last time I checked, I didn't have the word "SCHMUCK" emblazoned on my face. So, why do people assume that I'm gonna take it up the ass, quietly?
Being quiet is complicity and condones those words and actions these individuals & institutions took against me.

Fuck that shit. 

I'm done. You got an irate post-menopausal woman here who may drop dead any moment now, more than likely from a bullet wound if I continue blogging. Yeah, I'm still gorgeous and got a great body (at 57, I'm still a hot momma), but don't discount my rage. I'm a feral pit-bull dog with lipstick and 36Cs.

Without further ado, let me get another two cents in:

Apple
I warned you in advance that our entire interaction will be blogged and tweeted. So why the fuck are you surprised? I can tell you don't like it. You keep phoning me like gangbusters. You've hit my website a gazillion times. As I said, if you don't replace my Macbook Air with a brand new one, leave me the fuck alone. BTW - it's 4 weeks now. 

Ignorant Medical Doctor & Healthcare Facility
I warned you in advance that I would recount my interactions with you in my blog. So why are you hitting the blog now like a Pavlovian chicken? 

This is addressed to the Doctor: There's a back story that you & I know which my readers will know soon & they, too, will yelp with indignation. You felt free enough to flap those lips of yours in condemnation of me via disclosure of your private personal opinions. I do appreciate, though, you drew the line before calling me a Dirty Jew. Who the fuck do you think you are? And why would you say such shit to me NOT expecting me to be (1) upset, and (2) retaliatory.

BTW - I did eliminate my posting where I wished rats nibbled on your face while you slept and your husband gets buttfucked by the neighbor's son. I didn't feel it was over the top, it wasn't representative of my true wishes. I wish that every person you interact with for the rest of your life is just like you. I apologize in advance if that's a little too cerebral for you to grasp.

Unnamed Company
Yes, you fuckers still scare the shit outta me which is why I don't mention your names. I want to live a few years' longer to publish more books that lampoon people and companies. However, should you decide to terminate me, don't shoot me in the face. Go for the heart. 

Blanket Government Agencies:
Give me a fucking break. You don't think I check out my google analytics daily? I know a certain blog posting's driving you crazy. Well, what did you expect? The SHIT you people did to me, give me a fucking break! 

I'm tired of being threatened that all my freedoms will be revoked. You're puppets on a string & we both know who's behind all of this. I did nothing to merit what you doled out to me. YOU KNOW THAT! So, why now, are you upset that I'm airing dirty laundry on the blog? You shit on me, I shit on thee.

Stupid Motherfuckers Who Gave Me a Piece of Their Mind
Okay, I'm very polite and kind. Very. My mother brought me up to be a lady. That's why my writing's disconcerting. Because I feel free to vent and say the things I think. Unlike what I used to say to your face. Until now.

I'm no longer that Audrey Hepburn quality woman. I'll turn around in a wink of an eye and tell you to go fuck yourself. Life changes people. I'm sick and tired of being an elegant, albeit funny, lady.

So, once again, feel free to rip me a new asshole. I'll be very polite back to you. And watch what I do to you in my blog! 

Ex-Creatures I Used to Fuck
Don't get me started. You honestly think I wouldn't blog about you? Ha. You're not exempt. And here's where my blood pressure soars: who the hell do you think you are & what do you think you bring to the table! It's madness that you (plural and individual) believe you can control me!

For the reader: No, the last one's body is not stuffed on the bottom of the lake. I've proof I drove him to the airport. What he did to himself subsequently, I've no idea. Nor do I care.

Warning to Future and Potential Fuckable Creatures
Let's get it straight upfront. You are nothing in my life, but fuckable men. I'm polite and kind. I hide my true feelings. 

Don't believe me when I tell you: I never felt anything like this before, your cock's too large for me and I've never been so happy. These words are calculated to make you fall in love with me so you'd perform better sexually. And perhaps help me make repairs on my rotting cottage.

Last, but not least, if you annoy me, of course I'm gonna blog about you. It ain't gonna be nice, tho.


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This is a work of fiction. Names, character, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.










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