Why Bother Dealing with Customer Service? BLOG IT INSTEAD! NEW UPDATE!!!!

Here I go again!

One and a half months ago, I purchased a Hewlett Packard Deskjet 3050A All-in-One J611 series to replace the 5 year old HP Deskjet color copier that had a slight hiccup and refused to print in color. I purchased it online for an in-person pick-up. Unlike the store, the online product was on sale. It was a good deal; I spent around $70 all-in.

With anticipation, I removed my new printer/scanner/copier from the box. Like a wildebeest, I ripped the product from its fine plastic wrapper and dug away at the taped movable parts. I set everything up including the two printer cartridges: black and tricolor. Then I went to install the wireless portion. But couldn't because not only was the included DVD out of date, so was the HP website.

My computer system is higher grade than the ones for this printer model. So, I had to phone HP customer service, something I dread doing because they're almost as bad as Apple. Within an hour or two after some human guided me to a human representative, I lay on the floor on my belly, nose against the bottom of the printer to read the -0.3 sized print for the serial number. Thankfully, I guessed the numbers within acceptable parameters for the customer representative gave me a code to unlock some special feature on the website to procure directions to get the wireless in place.

I'm glad to have this upgraded version that features a sexy display window giving printed instructions and buttons to press. I almost feel as if I'm in Kinkos minus the inoperable machines. BTW - is Kinkos for real or is it a front for a money laundering operation? Over the years, the people working there have never successfully completed any copying orders which they had to redo at least a dozen times and never got right. Is that place still around? But I digress...

My new Deskjet worked swimmingly for one and a half months until I used up the black cartridge. I failed to ask the company how many pages it covers. And forget about navigating that website. Makes me wonder whether HP purposely made it so cluttered and difficult to discourage people like me - consumer troublemakers. At any rate, I believe the thimble-sized cartridge can only print up, say, 100 copies. Instead of rushing to a store 10 miles away where I would  overpay, I purchased a HP one online with a 40% discount. Miraculously, I received it  in two days at my doorstep via UPS.

This is the embarrassing part:

As previously posted, I've already some rep with the FedEx people stationed out of Newburgh, NY for never having a stitch of clothing on. That's because I swam naked with the FedEx guy twice so that I wouldn't have to pay $25 for each pick-up of my Macbook Air 11" for repair. Other FedEx reps who drop things off here have caught me emerging from the shower. The female employees are quite unnerved.

I don't have that experience with UPS. For some reason, they always manage to make deliveries when I drop my panties on the path en route to the laundry shed, something I rarely do. Except when UPS has a delivery for me. IT NEVER FAILS!

This morning was spent in an urban center or what may qualify as such 50 miles away from home. I had no choice: something's intrinsically wrong with my organs: I'm quite attached to them. The doctor urged a sonogram to determine what exactly is causing me to have symptoms similar to a heart attack because my heart's in great condition and the GERD's in check. There's no logical explanation.

Then again, there's no logical explanation why I have this neurological deafness.

The good doctors scheduled the sonogram for early Friday morning at 8am with my implicit promise to arrive by 7:45am. I had to wake up at 5:45am to get ready for my one hour journey. After the test, I was informed that the results wouldn't be ready until after two business days. Which made me question why they didn't perform the test earlier in the week than Friday so I wouldn't have to wait until the following Wednesday to know whether I've Stage 4 cancer or a post-menopause ectopic pregnancy.

Upon my arrival home, I espied a pair of pink panties on the path. I knew right there that, AHA, UPS visited. Sure enough, the new black 61 HP cartridge was placed on my doorstep.

Thrilled to get the new cartridge, I rapidly ripped open the packaging and replaced the old one. The window instructed me to do a sample print run. Once done, the window urged me to scan that printed page for optimal usage.

Halfway in the scan, the window lit up with a message {please excuse the paraphrasing}: The scan can not be completed because the tricolor cartridge is a HP counterfeit or used.


I pushed the OK button and the scan completed. Quickly, I hopped online and got the HP customer service phone number. Thankfully, I was redirected only four times before I got a human representative on the line.

In a few quick sentences, I summed up the situation. "I just want to know why HP sells counterfeits of their own products."

The rep, identified as Sushimi, asked, "What did the window screen say again?"

"I don't remember the specific wording except it had 'The tricolor cartridge is a HP counterfeit or used,' in the sentence."

"Please hold one moment."

Five minutes later, she came back on the line. "I'm sorry, but HP does NOT have that as a message on the printer."

"This was the scanner feature."

"Please hold one moment."

Five minutes later, she came back on the line. "I'm sorry, but HP does NOT have that as a message on the printer or the scanner or the copier."

"What?" I cried in outrage. "You think I'd waste my time calling you on something that DIDN'T happen? I tell you, that was on the screen!"

Sushimi responded, "I don't know what to say. HP does not have that as a message on their screens."

I shrieked, "I'm telling you-" and then shut up. "Don't worry about it - I'm gonna blog this and see if it happened to anyone out there!"

Has anyone else received such a message on their Hewlett Packard Deskjet 3050A All-in-One J611 series?

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PS: Went to print a short story for a reading and got this message on my computer now - you may need a magnifying glass for this!

Now, who's making it up?!? Huh, HP, Huh?

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This blog and all its posts are a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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