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Whiny, Puling Boy-Men

What happened to the wonderful men of yesteryear? Did they die off? Or did they get so self-absorbed in becoming too much in touch with their inner child they devolved?

WTF is wrong with men today? Why won't they grow up and grow a pair?

I'm talking about boy-men. Whiny, weepy, self-indulgent, irresponsible idiots. It's no wonder they don't get laid. They blame their state of mind on women who burnt them, inability to get the dream job, the dream house, the dream dog, the wetdream. It's fucking nauseating. Wa wa wa wa wa

They're so fucking predictable. I can smell them a mile away. Sometimes...

I learned to steer clear of boy-men. They can't stand on their own two feet. They're worse than the town gossips - hell, they ARE the town gossips. You can't have an argument with them - they'll round up their posse of other boy-men and try to string you up.

I recently had a twitter interaction with a boy-man. A bad call on my side. For some reason, I thought he was a writer.

Instead, this boy-man solicited advice about a "GREAT IDEA" in his head that'll absolutely kill. I gave him advice up front. Ignoring what I wrote, he did this full scale pitch to convince me how GREAT his idea is! Oh boy. Oh fucking boy. That's when I unleashed my beast. I don't know about you, but I can only be nice for so long. I gave him a few rules for a pitch: {I'm writing them in full as opposed to haiku form on twitter.}

(1) Know your audience. {The fucker never bothered to find out whether I wrote a book} What kind of lunatic solicits advice from someone who tweets funny things?!?!?!?!?!

(2) Stroke your audience's ego. {Most people who solicit advice from me at least know that I wrote a book/have a blog/write articles and even READ them!}

(3) Refer to your audience's work and draw parallels. For instance, if you want advice from a comedy writer, let them know the similarities of your work.

(4) When you're shot down, be a fucking MAN about it and walk away. {I didn't get that far in the twitter interactions. I wrote instead: you're boring & insulting.}

In return, he scuttled over to his friends. To my delight, I found out that I'm famous in France, an elitist bitch and he came that close to calling me a dirty Jew! 12 hours later, he's still TWEETING about me! Oh boy, oh fucking man-boy.

I've got the traits down of boy-men:

(1) They believe they're the center of the universe. You are inconsequential and if you don't do their bidding, you're just a stuck up elitist bitch or a cunt. Or both.

(2) They're weak and insecure. Underneath the bravado lurks a child who desperately wants to climb back into his mother's womb.

(3) Should you not stroke their frail ego or do their bidding they do the following:

  •   Go on a campaign to convince you until you break down & agree or block them from all forms of communication;
  •   Backstab and gossip; and
  •   Threaten and menace your well-being and even theirs!

Actually, in retrospect, the boy-man resembles a crazy. Check out my earlier posting, http://kiss-keepitsimpleschmuck.blogspot.com/2012/09/fuck-yeah-im-back-from-vacation-full-of.html


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This blog and all its posts are a work of fiction. Names, character, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.







1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm not whiny. I'm husky.