It's Not Fun Being an "R"

For the past year or so, I brooded over a situation the few times I was confronted by it, and after tonight, feel compelled to post this blog. Back then, while attending an anti-fracking rally, I met a woman in a neighboring community. At any rate, this woman voiced her opinion about something political. In return, I did as well.


I might as well describe her: we're around the same age although she looks like Grandma Moses with white, spongy head of hair, deep wrinkles and liver spots. My friend's 85 year old mother-in-law looks better than her! I know all too well women like that who get upset that I don't resemble the walking dead as they do. Let me take the opportunity to apologize. Life has been good to me for inheriting these youthful genes. It's called luck o' the draw. Plain and simple.

The woman who I'll dub "Clove" for this post, stared at me, eyes bulging out of that decayed reptilian face and said, "OH MY GOD! I can't listen to you! Wait, are you a REPUBLICAN?"

Lucky guess. In actuality, I learned over the past two years when I changed parties in a moment I call, "acting bohemian" that anyone who doesn't agree 100% with the Liberal/Democrat/Libertarian party lines must be a Republican. Even if they're a registered Liberal/Democrat/Libertarian! Being called a Republican today can be compared to being called the "N" word in its entirety due to the delivery, venom and vitriol. It's hurled with force, a lot of times with spit, to wound, maim and skewer to the core. Being called the "R" word is verbal abuse. It replaced the hatred which dirty Jew no longer has ever since it's acceptable to be called that in mass media.

Where I live, once you're called the "R" word, you're labeled as misogynist, racist, moronic, intolerant, prejudiced and anti-social. You're a fucking mouth-breather who must be avoided at all cost because you're an "R."

Let me clarify something. I'm not a zombie or robot and do not live by any party line. Unlike this woman, I prefer to THINK and use my intellect to parse what's going on instead of being spoon fed through mass media what THEY want me to think. Yes, I'm kinda perverse in that regard. I like my food not to be chewed for me; I got my own teeth. Once upon a time I was a registered Democrat, something I inherited from my father who was a diehard Democrat who died hard seventeen years ago. Nevertheless, I NEVER follow party dogma and vote across party lines. Yep, always the renegade.

I'm an artist and, as an artist, I don't cotton to whatever's in vogue. In my opinion, artists don't rubber stamp acceptable norms - they go AGAINST the grain in seeking the truth in their work. Even more important, they discover and uncover certain things which just don't add up. As a writer of social satire, I kinda require that perspective.

A case in point: Even before the recent Presidential debates, I railed in this blog about women's rights devolving into strictly reproductive ones. During the debates, I tweeted like a madwoman, "I'm MORE than a uterus." While I didn't succeed in making this a rallying cry, at least 4 people in twitterland heard my message. What surprised me is that Romney addressed the non-uterine issues of women's rights whereas Obama fell right into the reproductive morass. A fucking "R" addressing equal pay, equal rights? What's this world coming to?

Let's be real: becoming a Republican during a Democrat regime is totally contrarian, hell, it's all the way up there. Almost as controversial as converting to Judaism - like who in their right mind wants to become a JEW today? Being an "R" and a Jew, wow, I felt cutting edge. I turned around and got the first of nine tattoos. I let my gnarly hair grow long. And, I slept with the FedEx driver. Twice.

One thing they never tell you, though: when you change to "R," there's a major transition where your mind shrinks to the size of a walnut and you morph into an anti-woman, anti-gay, anti-minority, anti-environment creature. Isn't that what happens, according to my former Democrat associates?

Of course, the moment I changed parties, the Democrats in my community ceased inviting me to those all-you-can-eat lox fund-raisers where I dove head first. I believe they felt relieved. Instead, the Republicans sent me an invite and for $15 I ate my way through the lox like pac-woman. They never invited me again, although a lot of them still talk about it. The other day, I bumped into some people in front of the post office canvassing for local elections.

"Why wasn't I invited to the fund raiser?"

"Give us a break, Maura. We know how much lox you can devour in fifteen minutes."

Moments later, I approached the head of the local Conservative party. He said, "Don't even dream of it. I know you change parties for that damn all-you-can-eat lox."

At least HE got my ticket.

Right before Clove bolted, she spat in disgust how I wanted to pollute the environment, kill gays and force rape victims to have children against their will. I want the poor to suffer without health care and I'm a greedy capitalist motherfucker. I'm glad to know what my opinions should be now that I'm "R."

I shouted at her receding back, "If I want to pollute the air and water, why the fuck am I participating in an anti-fracking rally?" Alas, what I had to say just wasn't as effective as the "R" word.

What makes the entire situation ridiculous is NO ONE asked why I changed political parties! Perhaps they fear what I've to say; it may wake them up from their Matrix state of mind. By making this momentous change within this bi-party system, my eyes opened. Now I get to hate two parties as opposed to only one.

Not to fear, though, with Clove. She's a mindless zombie feeding on mass media propaganda, purposely dummied down so people of nil to negligible intellect can feel important in rehashing their brain-washed perspective peppered with platitudes and prejudices.

It was my luck to bump into this lunatic a few more times. Clove stepped up her game. Each time, she pulled people aside and pointed at me. Right out of a scene from Invasion of the Body Snatchers, she shrieked in her high-pitched ululating voice, "She's a REPUBLICAN!"

There she goes again with that fucking "R" word!

At the same time, I got involved with the so-called 'intelligentsia' community where NYC dwellers come up on weekends to their gated get-away houses to enjoy the country. One man, a professor of some soft science, pontificated at great length inches from my face. He bragged at how he pulled strings to get his wife, a stay-at-home mom, a teaching job after the last kid graduated college the past year. That was some miraculous event in the midst of this recession where teachers lose their jobs left and right! Hell, I couldn't even get substitute teacher jobs and I'm qualified. He also bragged about his business venture and how much money he raked in with their two salaries.

I was envious as all hell.

He segued into how much he admired the Tea Party Patriots.

Unconvinced, I murmured, "I'm glad you feel that way. So few people up here do."

In a flash, he snarled at me. "They're fucking morons. Idiots. Elite white men out to destroy the fabric of our society."

I looked at this elite white man out to destroy the fabric of our society who used his ties to get his wife a job whereas there were qualified, experienced unemployed teachers going broke. This is the type of shithead who makes over half a million bucks a year and supports wealth redistribution while drinking champagne and eating foie gras at closed door social events. He's a self-proclaimed Liberal Democrat, but I bet he votes strictly Republican. Could have something to do with redistribution of his wealth and high tax hikes proposed by his beloved Democrat party.

Needless to say, the "R" word was bandied around that evening. I found myself the following morning cast adrift in the social arena. I have my OWN mind. Which is rather comical when mindless zombies imbue me with a mind-set I never had. A long time ago I realized it's pointless to argue with idiots; you become one as well. Besides, why should I defend myself to him? Who the fuck is he? Really, who the fuck are these people?

Which brings me back to Clove, the woman whose sole purpose in life is to socially ostracize me. I haven't seen her in at least 8 months or more, thankfully although fuck knows what she's been doing in the background. I totally forgot about her. Until this past evening.

Let me point out I never ask about political platforms from entertainers. I'm not interested in what they have to say politically. Call me perverse for the third time, but should I attend a performance, it's for the artistic talent of the performer. So, the following endorsement is not reflective of any political affiliation, leanings or thought processes.

Tonight, I attended a small concert in a local church featuring the wonderful musician, singer and guitarist, Dustin Hamman and the ever-talented Josh Fox who's not only a great documentarian, but an accomplished banjo player. I never attend concerts due to my neurological deafness, but this time I couldn't pass it up. I was already prepared for a few days of suffering, but it's worth it. Hell, this was the first time I saw them in a year.

As usual, they delivered a quality performance in a small venue. I was rather blown away at the magic coming from these guys. Last year's performance was spectacular, but this year's was fucking over the top! Dustin played a new song which kicked ass and showed another dimension of his exponential talent. And Josh, OMG, he didn't play the banjo, he was the banjo!

Afterwards, I went up to greet Dustin, fighting my way through his loyal fans. I hadn't much to say except for a few hugs and well wishes. I could barely hear, anyhow, my ears rung from the music. But it was well worth it. Had to decline both Dustin's and Josh's nice invitations to join them later on at a local tavern.

"Thanks anyway," I said to Dustin, "I won't be much fun because my hearing's totally shot for the night."

While walking away, I spotted a tiny, wizened figure. It was Clove. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched her creep up to a few people with whom I shook hands. Standing outside the building, I grubbed a smoke, a left-over habit from my Democrat days and chatted for a few to the guys who gave me the cigarette. Introductions went round as none of us knew each other. Suddenly, Clove popped her head out from the front door to the church and beckoned one guy in. "I have to talk to you."

"What about?" he inquired. He didn't want to leave my side.

"It's about..." she hesitated and then beamed a smile. "You'll understand." He shrugged his shoulders, said to me, "Sorry, will be right back out." He never returned. Then, that gorgon opened the door again and beckoned the other guy in. He, as well, never returned.

I realized what she was up to as she has done this before. She sidled up to each person I interacted with to let them know not to consort to me because I'm a

R E P U B L I C A N.

That "R" word once again!!

At first, I was hurt. This is a matron woman who pulled such a childish stunt. I keep forgetting that age doesn't often provide wisdom. It only means the person didn't die early. I also recognize that anyone who goes along with Clove means they're of a weak mind, weak character and a definite pea pod. This is not the quality person I want in my life. Still, last night, after such a wonderful and magnificent concert by two extremely talented people, I let my guard down. In that way, I was blindsided by her public exhibition of blatant pettiness. Kudos to Clove who succeeded in getting her point across in her infantile and puerile malicious way.

Upon reflection, I doubt that being a Republican should cause that much of a stir, or the reason for her outright hatred. I'm certain she met at least 1 other Republican in her quotidian dealings. Or, it could be the fact that I'm a Republican Jew. There are few of those. And her community does not have many Jews. Come to think of it, I NEVER saw her with Jews. But, I think it goes further than that. That kind of enmity towards me I understand, once I saw what she surrounds herself with.

I'm a woman and I know women. Hell, I know men. Which is why I wrote those comedic ebooks about online dating. Clove's jealous of me. No sane person goes to such an extent over a difference of political opinion repeatedly. Let me say it again: REPEATEDLY.

To give you an idea why, please check out the photos below. This'll explain the basis of her animosity.

It has nothing to do with the "R" word!



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This blog and all its posts are a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.


Dain said...

Long ago the Democrats won the war of image. Now, image is literally almost all they have left.

When I look deeply at it I find a pattern. Politician A accuses Politician B of a fault that Poli-A has, thus immunizing themselves from the fault, because if after Poli-A levels the charge, Poli-B can't bring it up without looking like a total child (not that looking like a child stops everyone).

So we end up with a mentality of 'I don't have to be right if I look right' or the equality troubling 'I don't have to be right if I speak first and am not refuted'.

If our LEADERS act this way, is it any surprise that the FOLLOWERS follow the example?

Clove accuses you of being an anathema to polite society, when her are actions are clearly far more damaging to freedom than yours. Disgusting.

A lie is still a lie if its not caught. I can think of nothing more dangerous to personal responsibility, but then again the Democrats were the champions of finding anyone other than oneself to blame.

I'm glad you choose to think for yourself. I'm glad you do not fall into the trap of supporting the party of your forebears blindly and without question. And the fact that you are willing to lend your support to where it is deserved, not where it was sent the last time. You are the the type of elector our Founding Fathers envisioned (gender aside).

The United States is not a Democracy, even if we are democratic in many things. The Several States are a Republic, and that is ensconced in our Constitution. But can we keep it?

maura stone said...

Thanks for the cerebral explication de texte.

As I said to one of my close friends, "We don't agree with each others' politics. However, you're my friend, a great person who I love dearly."

She replied, "That's why we don't talk politics. We'll end up strangling each other."

I believe the most effective way to demonstrate your political point of view is through voting. Since only 30% of the voting population goes to the polls, it proves to me that the 70% are full of shit. I wonder whether Clove's part of that 70%.

All I can say is: VOTE. Your voice needs to be heard!

CigarVolante said...

D's hate anyone that has more than they do - that's why they are D's. Thank God they haven't figured out how to average out smashing good looks ;-). CV

Stacey Roberts said...

Even in this most contentious political year, no one wants Maura Stone at their fundraisers - they can't afford the lox. Even with a well-funded Super PAC? The funniest part of the blog.

And of course, Maura always makes the points that make me think. It would be a mistake for any good citizen, regardless of their political views, to condemn those with the other label (D or R) out of hand. There are Republicans who support gay marriage and Democrats who support a balanced budget. The only people who are mindlessly committed to the stated party platform are the party hacks, and they all seem to hold elected office.

Our divisions are our greatest weakness. The greatest threat to our nation, which someone in the debate should have said, is that we are divided against each other. Those who would do us harm, or see us fail, are delighted every time a D attacks an R and vice versa. It is their only chance to beat us, and we're doing it enthusiastically to ourselves.

Can't we work this out over some lox?