"It's True What They Say About Jews"

I wrote this article on July 2, 2012 which was subsequently published in The Last Goddess Magazine. Talk about sensation! Yes, I was plagiarized and quoted globally!

“It's True What They Say About Jews"
By Maura Stone

Everyone reaches a breaking point at one time or another when the ludicrous nature of things become so absurd they defy the imagination. That point came the other day when I read recycled Nazi propaganda posing as mainstream news and cried out, "That's it! I've had it with these stupid motherfuckers."

I'm putting my foot down and taking a stand. You want the truth? I'll give it to you! Just stop with the boring platitudes.

Once and for all, it's TRUE what they say about Jews.


We rule the world! So watch the fuck out!

We don't need to work because we're filthy rich. Doesn't that bite? Good!

We own Hollywood. Every movie you pay to watch goes ka–ching in our pocketbook.

We still control the music industry. Don't be fooled.

All the Hollywood actors and producers and directors are Jews. Even the minorities. Some change their names just to fuck with your heads into believing there're non–Jews in the industry. There aren't.

We have secret caches of gold. And you don't.

We own Wall Street as does my family—there's Stone Street.

Investment banks are owned by Jews. But run by non–Jews. There’s a reason for that.

We're part of a secret society that’s out to pervert the world. We perfected mind–meld. Sometimes you see us, sometimes not.

We drink the blood of Christian children. Only on high holy days. Where do you think the Vampire concept came from? Hmmm? Due to assimilation, we replaced blood with borsht. Stays longer in the refrigerator. No curdling.

The Rothschilds, Rockefellers and Morgans aren't Jews. Although those plagiarists learned from us. Lehman, Schiff, Goldman, Warburg, Sachs, Salomon, Bache, Seligman, Birnbaum, Safra and Reconati are Jews. Sadly, I’m not related to any of them, but they like me better than you. I even worked for some of them. They treated me, though, like a dirty Jew.

My feet are goat’s hooves... which accounts for my clumsiness. That's why there aren't many Jewish tap dancers. But we kick ass. At least the Israelis do.

My nose is small because the cartilage went to my horns, hidden by my hair. It'll cost you to take a peek.

We killed Christ. Wait—weren't we excused for that by a Pope? Wasn’t it the Romans that killed him? Nah, we did it.

You don't need to subscribe to conspiracy theories. We know Jews are behind everything. There, it's said.

I’m part of the Chosen people. That means my DNA was originally from space gods. There’s a reason why we wait for the Messiah. ET phoned home and should be ready to uplift and upload us and leave this foul planet for you to contend with. Email us and let us know how that works out for you.

My family is rich as well as me. That explains why I have no savings, tons of debt and have to beg for a job. It doesn’t explain why I’ve jewelry, property and designer clothes. Wouldn't you like to know how I swung that? Trade secret. You gotta be Jewish.

There’s a reason why it’s called JEWelry. Want a hint?

There are 5.4MM Jews in the U.S. And we control this country. What does that say about the majority of you losers? Huh?

I can’t wait to bargain down a price, any price. Sales are the lazy Jew’s way of hondling, our version of a hobby.

Jews are thick as thieves with other Jews. We even have our own secret handshake. Actually, the palms of our hands glow when we’re in proximity.

We come from Hasidim even though my family lineage had nothing to do with a cult that was created in Poland in the mid–1800’s. But who cares? We're all one gelatinous clump of dirty Jewry.

We are known for large noses. LOOK AT MINE! Growing up, nobody could believe a Jew possessed button noses. Now, you're freaking about all the blond Jews. Wait'll you realize we're also black and Latino. That should make you shit a brick.

Jews are the single minority that contributed to every aspect of human culture. Do you think that jealousy accounts for the hatred? Nah.

Despite the radical hatred and condemnation, still, millions of people claim to have a Jew in their lineage, especially in Russia or any country where Israel will airlift people out to save their asses. Think of it this way: for a minority, we certainly get around.

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This blog and all its posts are a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.


Ed Butt said...

I believe in the New World Order conspiracy but where some nutty bloggers got the idea it has Jewish shape shifting reptillians behind it is a mystery.

There is nothing in any of the ancient texts to suggests the shape shifting reptillians who rule the world were ever Jewish. :-)

maura stone said...

Due to your comment, I've gotten hate telepathy from shape shifting reptillians who are insulted that anyone would ever consider them Jews.

In the future, please do not ever coin the words, "shape shifting reptilians" with "Jews," unless you're insulting shape shifting reptillians. Then, it's "You Dirty Jew shape shifting reptillian."