With the upcoming holiday season, I recall an office tradition I reluctantly took part in: Secret Santa. The guidelines were simple: no gag gifts and $20 of value. The person who I drew (we pulled slips of paper from a bag) was easy enough as he loved fine wine. When the time came, the entire department assembled in the conference room to exchange gifts.
At first, I thought the wackadoodle was a lot of fun until it set in that that non-stop manic energy and strangled laughter were indicators of insanity. She literally drove me crazy and didn't understand my subtle ways of ending the friendship. It was an out and out confrontation two years ago. I hoped and prayed she'd disappear. But not my luck.
Two days ago, a nice man came and cut down the rest of the tree from the shed. In good time too! I made 25 trips toting 150lb logs in the wheelbarrow to the road. My gluteus maximum lifted half a foot and my biceps are now huge. The following day it snowed. So the timing worked out.
You gotta love it. It drives newspaper sales, hell, online paper clicks skywards. How appropriate that after a contentious Presidential election the shit hits the fan!
Being a klutz, I'm rather proud I didn't destroy my iPhone during the massive clean up in the wake of Hurricane Sandy. I kept it tucked in my pocket just in case I maim myself hauling 60 to 150 foot–long tree limbs uphill 1/2 an acre to the road while dodging upright trees where the branches invariably got entangled.
I'll always associate the disaster of Hurricane Sandy with the American election while waiting for the nor'easter to make the picture complete. Sorry, kids, but if you don't like what I write, move on to another blog. Better yet, don't buy my books - you may THINK! And laugh. I do poke fingers at EVERYONE. No one's unscathed. Yet, I digress...
To preface, I once dated a guy named Sandy, a true shithead. Quite soon in our relationship he demonstrated his rage and violence and I barely escaped intact. In this vein, the hurricane was aptly named, a real motherfucking veritable disaster leaving quite an aftermath.
Hurricane Sandy's turning into quite the learning experience. By reviewing the contents of my backpack where I stuffed the most important things I can't do without, I realized my first priority's writing, my second's skin care.