King of the Ice Ice Fishing Contest

How the Ice Fishermen Suffer!

I don't know about you, but I've waited a long time for this ice fishing contest! Three years ago, I missed out because I hid in India. Two years ago, the lake melted during a warm patch so the contest was canceled. But this year, my dream came true to see the King of the Ice Ice Fishing Contest!!

The contest unofficially started around 2am, meaning several ice fishermen trespassed on summer residents' lake front properties to set up the best positions on the frozen lake. As previously mentioned, I was in the throes of nicotine withdrawal while taking organic natural amphetamines so as not to gain any weight. Man, I was so wired, I couldn't get any sleep during the prior two evenings. I certainly hoped to catch up that night.

Exhausted, I laid my head down on the pillow around midnight, closed my eyes and dozed for at least two hours until the sound of a drill drilled into my frontal lobe. Jumping out of bed, I yelled, "WTF is that?"

It was an ice fisherman drilling through the ice. In minutes, several other drills joined in.

You know those dentists' drills? Imagine at least 400 times larger and you got the idea.

Around 4am, I gave up trying to sleep. Still in my fleece pjs, I jumped into my UGGs, shrugged into my parka, put on my hat, scarf and gloves and grabbed the flashlight. I didn't need the flashlight as the ice fishermen had their lights rigged up. As well as their tents. All their equipment and supplies driven onto the lake via snowmobiles.

The drilling continued until around 7am. Since I never went back to bed, I made coffee and got dressed up again to meet my new lakeside neighbors.

Now, here's the true reason why I was so excited about the ice fishing contest: it meant the lake was frozen solid. Not to mention the only time in winter I felt confident enough to walk on ice because there were witnesses. Just in case.

Gingerly, I stepped from my rock wall that separates lake from land to the frozen ice below. Carefully, feeling shifts underneath my feet, I walked right up to the first tent propped in front of my property. "Hey, you're on top of MY LAND under the lake," I yelled. "I'm entitled to half your catch."

The ice fisherman laughed. "Go for it," and pulled out a bucket. "We only caught minnows and we've been at it since 4am."

I looked at him and his friend. "I know. I heard you drilling. Say, are you going to the Fire Department breakfast?"

The guy laughed. "If I leave here, I won't return. Those wind gusts are killer. It's brutal outside."

"Better than last year though," I added as a true insider (which I'm not) and we laughed.

I then trudged to the next group feeling the ice give with each step. These wonderful people introduced me to their family members, posed for my pics and allowed me to check out their heat tent. It was over 80 degrees inside. I knew if I entered, there'd be no way I'd ever leave except feet first.

After mentioning the Fire Department's breakfast, one of the ice fishermen said, "You can just walk it - it's right across the lake. Don't advise it, though, 'cause those wind gusts are violent." Right then, we saw the lake detritus fly up in the air and far away, an ice fishermen knocked to his knees.

I sighed. "Inasmuch as I would love to, I can't risk it. During Hurricane Sandy, a tree fell on my house. Two weeks ago a tree fell on my car. Given the luck of three, what're the odds that I won't fall inside a hole in the ice?"

He agreed.

After I shook hands wishing him good luck, I slid back to land with the thought of returning later that afternoon. I walked up my property to drive to the Fire Department breakfast.

This fire department took good care of me when I was practically homeless without heat, water, electricity and food for eight days as a result of my friend, Hurricane Sandy. Of course, I wanted to support them during one of their breakfast specials. I decided to go to the early morning shift. The moment I walked in, lo and behold, my favorite constable, Radar Ray, accosted me.

"Are you in trouble again?" he asked.

"Oh, you heard about my little speech during the Town Hall meeting?" I sweetly said.

I referred to earlier posts where I spoke about how an elected town official extorted money from me. Afterwards, I was treated a villain. Then, a hero.

In response, Ricky Radar wagged a finger in my face. "Just stay outta trouble."

I sat down with a couple I met several times and then another local denizen joined us. In moments, we were served coffee, OJ, pancakes, sausage, egg (made to order) and hash browns.

Several town Board members came over and shook my hand. Even the Town Mayor! After a while, I left.

Curious as to the positive response from the Board members, I returned home and checked the Town Hall Minutes online. The meeting took place on January 23, yet the town didn't post the online minutes until, yep, the day of the King of the Ice Ice Fishing Contest. And guess what was missing?

My public statement which I prefaced, "FOR THE RECORD!"

WTF is going on? Only a few minutes ago, the Mayor shook my hand, almost all the Town Board members shook my hand and they didn't publish my public outcry?

It's bad enough I'm going through nicotine withdrawal and jittery because I hadn't slept in three nights due to natural amphetamines to lose weight with a little drilling tossed in. Not to mention the chronic fighting with my boyfriend over four days, horrible fighting. I'm not only convinced he's out to drive me crazy, but that he's my soulmate.

Incensed, I returned to my car and drove to town to inquire from local denizens what I should do. I went to the sole hub outside of the post office and gas station: The Bake House. Once there, I was given solid advice.


Some people said, "Well, the summer residents should know what's going on outside of gossip."

But they were shouted down. "Damn, Maura, can't you just drop it? You got the result you wanted."

The result I wanted was to be reimbursed the monies the elected official extorted from me. Monies I need. What occurred was, due to my For The Record speech, he went to rehab for 5 days. That was good for him and made me a hero. Still, not what I wanted.

Let's put things into context here: If I drove my boyfriend, someone I love, up the walls for four days because he didn't give me a Valentine's Day gift, you mean to tell me, dear Reader, I'm going to drop the fact that my public statement was NOT recorded or published?

By the time I returned to the lake, all my newfound trespassing ice fishermen friends were gone, leaving massive holes in their wake. I went to step onto the lake, but noticed accumulated slush by shore which is indicative of melting ice.

And so ends another annual King of the Ice Ice Fishing Contest.

# # #


Anonymous said...

I'm confused...I was under the impression that you couldn't own land under the lake. I also thought that entering the lake at the launch or on property on which owners had given permission was not considered trespassing.

The angle of your pictures must be skewed. It looks like its in front of my house and Okasana's house...must be your lens.

I hope your feeling better about life.

See you soon,

Anonymous said...

Ignore schmucks maura... some people are just too serious and should stay away from computers. especialy sensitive ones born before 1960... they dont understand you make things fiction as you are a fiction comedy writer to make things likeable to your readers.

Anonymous said...

No worries. She does ignore me.