The Fear of Missing Out has been QUENCHED

Two weeks' prior to university graduation, I tromped around the muddy campus fields with another student. He said, "Wouldn't it be a hoot if now we find out there's a whole underground subculture going on?"

He had me pegged; that was my greatest fear. The fear of missing out on something. As a child, I always missed out because I was dutiful and obedient.

I was a geeky, dorky kid. Case in point: At 10, I went away for an overnight camping trip with a group of little girls and two camp counselors. When the camp counselors said, "Bedtime," this little girl fell to sleep in her tent while the other girls ran around, screaming, laughing, having fun.

That's the story of my life.

Ever after, I felt this overwhelming urge not to miss out on things. In a way, this desire kept me alert, aware and ravenous for new experiences to enhance myself. I'm not talking hedonistic, I'm talking about a thirst of knowledge that embraces cultures, travel, food and fascinating people. It extended into doing MORE in life, more in education, work, hobbies, you get the gist.

I reached a stage recently where I may never travel to certain places, hear new music or wear the latest in fashion. Although I've a wide breadth of knowledge from curiosity, it's limited to politics, arts, literature, music, languages, history, fashion, movies for the most part. I found, to my dismay, that I lacked an extensive knowledge of the sexual kind. Which is kinda funny for a woman who is a bit of a slut.

This came to light around thirteen years ago when I lived in an apartment building named, "Tarantula Arms" for the cloying embrace of the landlord. I called the place, "Home of Wayward Boys and Girls," for the majority of tenants were friends of the landlord in various stages of homelessness, myself included. I also called the place my finishing school for these friends were gay and lesbian and they fine-tuned my knowledge of cuisine and decorating to the nth degree.

One evening, too lazy to return to my apartment for a whiz, I used one of the guy's bathrooms for the first time. The revelation within the bathtub frightened me.

"What the fuck, Billy?" I screamed. "You've at least a dozen dildos and they're as long and as thick as my leg. How the hell do you get them in you?"

Billy cleared his throat. "Oh, sorry I didn't pull the curtain around the bathtub."

Another guy quietly said, "It's good for Billy as he has a hernia."

Billy added, "Cleans me out."

I put up my hand. "Enough said."

Shortly thereafter, I was privy to a lot of stuff about gay sex I really didn't want to know. Really, I didn't want to know. I honestly wasn't interested and, at that time more engrossed in what was going on with my dying mother, in the country pre and post 9-1-1 and re-establishing my career. On 9-1-1 my best friend and colleagues were murdered; subsequently, my mother died. Sex was the furthest thing from my mind, let alone gay sex.

Flash forward. Here I am at nearly 58 and my knowledge base of sexual fetishes has been enhanced due to a recent relationship that died a painful death on my side.

Just my fucking luck to be introduced to stuff I really don't give a damn about - BDSM. When the ex-boyfriend said his wife was a famous Dominatrix, I did ask, "What the hell does that mean?"

"Oh, she does these mind games," he said in a very matter-of-fact basis.

"I'm really not interested in that world," I stated, "I find it stupid and humiliating. But, tell me, were you involved?"

Not one of my more strategic comments because I tipped my hand!!

After that intro, no fucking way did he admit the truth, knowing how I feel until later on when he got tired of me, my vanilla outlook, my positive feeling of self-respect and self-worth. He responded to my question with a flippant, "I experimented." He also said that about gay sex. Now I know what 'experimented' means in his vocabulary after finding out he's a former sex slave bondage porn star.

It was way too much for me after I saw the porn movies and 179 pics of being a sex slave tortured, knife at throat, scrotum and cock, the blow torch on the shaft, the tied up cock with pincers on the balls, the fucking on DVD and then told about his gay sexual encounters and desire for cross dressing.

Not to mention the way he tried to give BDSM credence by stating, "I've several articles from qualified people about this world."

Fuck that shit! Here's my take on it and I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF I'M NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT:

Sex between two consenting adults is okay if they share the same mind set. But to have a guy immersed in self-hatred, self-loathing, abomination, domination, submission, punishment, no self-worth and little self-respect having sex with a woman who considers sex a joy, a pleasure, fun, loving, a sharing, a way towards growing intimacy, there's a fucking disconnect.

Talk about a train wreck! Talk about mixing apples with oranges! No way should the two groups ever meet!

Also, fuck that DSM-V - a psychiatric guide of sexual fetishes where the bar of acceptability changes after condemnation by the people they write about. The ex-boyfriend's quite au courant with DSM-V, considering he lives for 17 years in a BDSM lifestyle and a cross-dresser to boot with a bi-sexual proclivity upon which he enacts. Isn't it any wonder that he supports validity for that lifestyle and quotes DSM-V which gives BDSM a Disney-like air of frolicking with blowtorches, rope and knives?**

Still, I say, if you're into this shit, go for it! Go for it with people who are into it! Because, to indulge in any kind of sexual or romantic relationship with anyone who doesn't know of this stuff or doesn't care to know of this is WRONG and mentally/emotionally damaging to the person who isn't into it.

While I still sort out what went down and how I couldn't tell this guy was weirder than a three-headed mutant catfish caught from the polluted East River, getting stronger day by day, I chafe (less and less as each day passes). Yes, I chafe because I'm the one who got hurt, not knowing the cards were purposely stacked against me for he was the dealer. I also chafe knowing the motherfucker walked away with no suffering, no pain, no regrets and NO APOLOGIES. I wish him testicular cancer among many other things to cripple him physically: he's already mentally and emotionally crippled.

You know my earlier overwhelming urge not to miss out on things? Trust me, that's burnt out. I would've been very happy and pleased in life never having been subjected to the two cases previously mentioned. But now that I had been, man, my questions for potential lovers have augmented to:

  1. Criminal/prison background including Court Orders of Protection or Pending Litigation
  2. Medical health/hygiene
  3. Debt/Children/Wives/Ex-Wives/Psychotic Girlfriends
  4. BDSM & any other fetishes
  5. Gay sex
  6. Hobbies/Pets 
And my fav question: Am I the first woman you've been with who isn't bi-polar, divorced with 8 kids and a palpable drug addiction on top of psychotropic drugs?

In the midst of this blog post, my friend, Toast the Rabbit tweeted me about The Rules of The Internet, especially Rule #34. When I responded with ignorance, he was truly in shock. At least, THIS is something I'm glad to learn about:

1) Do not talk about rules 2-33
34) There is porn of it. No exceptions.
35) The exception to rule #34 is the citation of rule #34.
36) Anonymous does not forgive.
37) There are no girls on the internet.
38) A cat is fine too
39) One cat leads to another.
40) Another cat leads to zippocat.
41) Everything is someone’s sexual fetish.
42) It is delicious cake. You must eat it.
43) It is a delicious trap. You must hit it.
44) /b/ sucks today.
45) Cock goes in here.
46) They will not bring back Snacks.
47) You will never have sex.
48) ???
49) Profit.
50. You can not divide by zero.

Now, THAT's something that enhances my life.

Along with the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition (as per the website: Click Here!)

  1. Once you have their money ... never give it back.
  2. Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
  3. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
  4. A man is only worth the sum of his possessions. (From Enterprise, episode "Acquisition"; sloppy script-writing, as rule 6 (see above) was already given in DS9)
  5. Keep your ears open.
  6. Small print leads to large risk.
  7. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
  8. Greed is eternal.
  9. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
  10. A deal is a deal ... until a better one comes along.
  11. A contract is a contract is a contract (but only between Ferengi).
  12. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
  13. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
  14. Never place friendship above profit.
  15. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
  16. Nothing is more important than your health--except for your money.
  17. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
  18. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother ... insult something he cares about instead.
  19. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
  20. War is good for business.
  21. Peace is good for business.
  22. She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
  23. Profit is its own reward.
  24. Never confuse wisdom with luck.
  25. Expand, or die.
  26. Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
  27. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
  28. Females and finance don't mix.
  29. Never ask when you can take.
  30. Good customers are as rare as latinum -- treasure them.
  31. There is no substitute for success.
  32. Free advice is seldom cheap.
  33. Keep your lies consistent.
  34. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
  35. Win or lose, there's always Hyperian beetle snuff.
  36. Home is where the heart is ... but the stars are made of latinum.
  37. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
  38. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
  39. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
  40. Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
  41. Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
  42. Females and finances don't mix.
  43. Enough ... is never enough.
  44. Every man has his price. (DS9 season 6, episode 19 - "In the Pale Moonlight")
  45. Trust is the biggest liability of all.
  46. Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.
  47. Sleep can interfere with profit. (DS9 season 2, episode 7 - "Rules of Acquisition")
  48. Faith moves mountains ... of inventory.
  49. There is no honour in poverty.
  50. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
  51. Treat people in your debt like family ... exploit them.
  52. Never have sex with the boss's sister.
  53. Always have sex with the boss.
  54. You can't free a fish from water.
  55. Everything is for sale, even friendship.
  56. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
  57. You can't make a deal if you're dead. (DS9 season 7, episode 8 - "The Siege of AR-558")
  58. Wives serve, brothers inherit.
  59. Only fools pay retail.
  60. There's nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
  61. Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
  62. Whisper your way to success. (DS9 season 7, episode 9 - "Covenant")
  63. Know your enemies ... but do business with them always.
  64. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
  65. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
  66. Hear all, trust nothing.
  67. Never cheat a Klingon ... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
  68. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in the door.
  69. The justification for profit is profit.
  70. New customers are like razortoothed grubworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they can bite back.
  71. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.
  72. Employees are rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
  73. Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.
  74. You can't free a fish from water.
  75. Always know what you're buying.
  76. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
  77. Latinum lasts longer than lust.
  78. You can't buy fate.
  79. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
  80. More is good ... all is better.
  81. A wife is a luxury ... a smart accountant is a necessity.
  82. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
  83. Never allow doubt to tarnish your love of latinum.
  84. When in doubt, lie.
  85. Deep down everyone's a Ferengi.
  86. No good deed ever goes unpunished.
  87. [Quark's rule] When Morn leaves, it's all over.

Rules Without a Known Number

  • Exploitation begins at home.

As you can tell, I go for the fun things in life, especially lately. After all, we do need a good laugh. Yet, there's truth in the old adage, "Ignorance is Bliss" or rather, it's quite difficult to undo the things you learn.

# # #

** I'm LMFAO! Just read an article about BDSM. The extent that people go through to validate mental illnesses. According to this article there's no significant differences between BDSM practitioners and the general population, purportedly distilling the myth of childhood trauma, etc. There was no particular medical journal cited, just a clinic involved in sexual research.

REPORTER - DO YOUR FUCKING HOMEWORK! Should you have investigated the people involved, you'd find that at least one was clinically diagnosed as bi-polar on MEDICATION on social security disability!! Oh yes, that practitioner had no FATHER and was a hooker. But, hey, that would destroy the fantasy, right?

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