The WRONG Way of Writing Press Releases:

I don't have the financial resources to pay for a public relations person. Instead, I write my own press releases and rely on free services. As a result, those free services place my press releases anywhere BUT my target audience, namely books and lifestyle. Instead, I'm showcased in medical devices, sports, science, engineering and foreign affairs.

Added to the mix, my press releases find their way in the most obscure reaches of the internet with tiny pockets of readership. Mostly due to my content. And that's sad. Very sad. For these are works of art. Perhaps not. Then again, who the hell writes press releases like this?

Let's say I'm self-taught in this arena. Even though I don't have the desired result of an overwhelming amount of book sales, at least I can say that I'm consistent in my writing.

So, here's the best of the mess:

Author Maura Stone Inducted in National Bathroom Readers' Hall of Fame

Award-winning novelist, Maura Stone, known for her comedy & ability to clear a room in 10 seconds, now has the dubious distinction as first Inductee in National Bathroom Readers' Hall of Fame.


Jun. 1, 2012 - Award-winning comedy author, Maura Stone, was inducted in the National Bathroom Readers’ Hall of Fame to commemorate National Bathroom Reading Month. “We didn’t want to flush Five-Star FLEECING down the drain with the other crap,"  stated the foundation’s director, Jeffrey Spritz. “Instead, we stayed on the throne for days until we finished!”

Ms. Stone’s first novel, Five-Star FLEECING, won several awards, notably the 2011 National Indie Excellence Award for Comedy along with critical acclaim including the Midwest Book Review’s highly recommended endorsement.  Ms. Stone gushed, “I’m thrilled Five-Star’s so well regarded. Can they say the same for my edating ebook comedy series?”

During April 2012, Ms. Stone launched a five-part ebook comedy series, eDating Advice from the Bubbameistah, a LOL ROFL parody of edating advice. The first ebook, Men, eDating and Mast*****ionwas originally yanked off the virtual bookshelves because Ms. Stone used the word, “mast*****ion,” in its entirety. “I learned a lesson from that,” said Ms. Stone, “I should’ve named it: _*!#%&^(^^#*)&.”

Men, eDating and Mast*****ion has become the darling of the internet and an underground hit. “Since its release, the proportion of my online stalkers has grown exponentially,” said Ms. Stone.

Ms. Stone’s releasing the second ebook of the series, eWomen are Lunatics this June through eWomen are Lunatics are for men what Men, eDating and Mast*****ion is for women although both sexes can read and enjoy both spoofs. “Sadly, very few people will get the literary allusions,” said Ms. Stone, “although they’ll tear a gut out laughing. Or mast*****ing.”

During the ceremony held in the women’s street-level bathroom at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York City, Ms. Stone was handed an aluminum statue of Rodin’s Thinker perched on a toilet, book on his lap. “I’ll treasure it always,” she stated to the director, two bathroom attendants and one tourist stuck in a stall.
-- END --

NOTE: Subsequently, I received congratulatory tweets and emails from several people including Kindle. Go figure.

Hot Off the Presses - "Arc of Passion" on

"Arc of Passion" Explores an Unconventional Romance on smashwords.


Mar. 21, 2012 - Award-winning novelist, Maura Stone, wrangles with an unconventional romance in "Arc of Passion."

A mini-ebook, "Arc of Passion" follows Ms. Stone as she deals with a relationship that stretches boundaries. It's bad enough she's significantly older than the man, but toss in long distance and other mind-boggling situations, she's struggling to stay in her element.

Witty and introspective, this writer explores what it means to be consumed in a relationship that breaks the rules of convention. "Arc of Passion" is also a compassionate book where the author mercilessly looks back at her past lovers and lifestyle and still, knowingly and courageously, displays her vulnerability.

One critic said, "A very good read and insight into relationships...'that's why we love ya girlfriend!'"

-- END --

Comedy Novelist, Maura Stone Joins the Fastest Growing Blog on Twitter! | PRLog

JUN 21, 2012

Jun 19, 2012 – On the heels of her recent induction to the National Bathroom Readers’ Hall of Fame, award-winning author, Maura Stone joins the fastest and largest growing blog on twitter, as a contributing writer. is the top must-read blog with over 7.8 million dedicated readers to date and growing. Formatted as an online magazine, the buxom editor-in-chief, Sophia Walker brings to her faithful followers no-holds-barred radical entertainment through an array of articles, photos and videos defying the more traditional and boring zines.
Added to the mix is Maura Stone, most noted for her award-winning comedy, Five-Star FLEECING and her new runaway classic, Men, eDating and Mast*****ion. She gushed to this reporter, “I’m honored to be part of something bigger than me.” When asked about the impact of this cutting-edge blog to her reputation, she added, “My stories bring the humor out in everyday situations. That’s why Men, eDating and Mast*****ion is such a huge hit, unfortunately the pirated version. If you don’t see the globe MS on the cover, it ain’t mine, but a derivative product.” features Ms. Stone’s premiere article, the first of its kind, C**k Tease where she describes in clinical detail her fascination with a very intimate subject. “Clitoral expose is the final frontier of mass media,” asserted Ms. Stone.
“The lastgoddess blog puts irrelevancy on the map,” stated Moss Strivink, a foremost authority of irrelevancy. “And piquant as well, a true mash-up of culture, fashion, art and drek. Years from now, it’ll be taught in universities. Under what topic, have no idea.”
Readers flock to never knowing which inflammatory, insulting or hysterically funny article would next confront them. “This blog is strictly for entertainment purposes, and so far it has entertained the s--t out of us,” cited Ms. Walker.


NOTE: Variations of this press release resulted in permanent banishment at Before It's News. PERMANENT. They don't fuck around! 

Zombie Men, eDating and Mastication - New Release!
Halloween's around the corner - what more can be said? Zombie Men, eDating and Mastication addresses all those zombie-related issues about online dating.


Oct. 17, 2012 - Comedy author Maura Stone strikes ANOTHER one out of the ballpark. Known for her once-in-a-generation wit and great writing style, Ms. Stone wrote the ONLY comedy advice books about online dating under the series, eDating Advice from the Bubbameistah. To commemorate Halloween, Ms. Stone published a Special Edition, Zombie Men, eDating and Mastication.

Zombie Men, eDating and Mastication is a parody of the first book of the dating series, Men, eDating and Mast*****ion, itself a parody of a best-selling dating book. These books help women discern the types of men who frequent dating sites. In the Special Edition, Ms. Stone kicks it up a notch or two and brings in the zombie element, targeted to the undead enthusiasts.

"The most puzzling aspect of this special edition is that it didn't require much revisions from the original," the author admitted. "Perhaps it's because many of the men online emulate zombies."

All Maura Stone comedies are available on all major retailers online.

--- End ---

Another version of the above which was distributed in the populous Fiji Islands:

The Only eBook Addressing Catfish, Online Sex and Other Secrets of Internet Dating
"The Complete eDating Comedy Advice Series for Women" as well as the Men's Volume exposes the seamy side of online dating: catfish, scammers, internet sex


Apr. 22, 2013 - NEW YORK -- Author Maura Stone, in her new books, "The Complete eDating Advice Comedy Series" for Men and Women rips open the soft underbelly of internet dating. Never before was there a comedic take on catfish, scammers, men who jack off online, escorts and zombies - all in one book!

Originally published in 2012 as a series with "Men, eDating and Mast*****ion," and "eWomen are Lunatics," Maura's new book is a compilation of 6 ebooks including: "Where's That Smell Coming From?" "Internet Romance," and "Lovin' the Condom" - all mandatory reading for men and women to navigate the wild world of web dating.

"It took only 8 years of online research to get a handle on what's going on out there," admitted Ms. Stone. "There's always the probability of meeting a nice partner online, but the possibility is low."

When asked about her romantic life, she dodged the question and instead said this, "Hey, the books through this Bubbameistah character point out the pitfalls, numerous and bizarre ones. That's where the comedy comes from."

-- End --

# # #

No comments: