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Another New Addiction?





Just when I thought I couldn't possibly get hooked into anything new online, well, I did. It's called "Bubblews" which is a miniaturization of my blog posts - nothing less than 400 characters. As you know, Dear Reader, I like content, so 400 characters is tough, yet even more fun. The best part is I get paid for what I write, unlike here, which I do for free with the hope, desire and wish that you, Dear Reader, may break down, use a lever to crank your wallet open, extract a credit card and purchase one of my books.

You see, I AM an optimist!

On Bubblews, I get paid in pennies, yet I watch them add up. Fast. In one day.

Still, I like to share the wealth. So, you get to read for free what I get paid for so here are some of my fav posts so far:


Is Writing Porn Allowed on this Site?


I've always had an affinity towards writing porn. While leafing through my high school literary magazine, "Invictus" I found my teen angst-written poetry full of erotic images. I'm certain my high school English teacher knew what I was up to and allowed this mild pornographic content to be printed. Although I wonder if my fellow students realized what they read was thinly veiled soft core.

This fascination with embedding soft-core sexual images has followed me throughout my former career. In fact, I was put on probation at one job when an executive read a portion of my report out loud to the Board of Directors. Funny enough, the same management team hired me ten years later as a consultant with the proviso that I write the same types of reports which, they admitted, they thoroughly enjoyed.

Today, I embellish my blog posts with profanity, soft and hard core porn in addition to my musings and complaints. It adds a certain je ne sais quoi, a piquancy I adore.






An Embarrassing Moment


This past weekend, I had dinner with a new friend. He's a former international journalist, a successful writer of dozens of books and has a book review radio show. That's how we met: last year I solicited a review of my first novel, "Five-Star FLEECING" through an email, then sent him the paperback through snail mail. Imagine my delight when he contacted me for an interview! 

After dinner, we sat on his deck and he handed over a drink. "You know I've hardly any tolerance for alcohol," I advised him. "A few sips and I start singing Klingon war songs." Sure enough, after a gulp or two, my eyes crossed and I lost all focus.

We had an engaging conversation about writing, the state of literature today and marketing. I looked at him and slurred, "You know, I really want to write a book about a fictional character who's ingrained in every part of our society. Like Zelig."

He looked straight into my eyes and said, "That's what they call a novel."



DEER HAVE NO RESPECT


It's 6am on the dot and I was awaken first by this noise of someone gulping something underneath my open bedroom window. I like to sleep with at least one window open even in winter. I guess it pays off because in the four years of living in the country, I was only ill once - this past winter with the flu which lasted 5 days. Let's not take into consideration the seizure which caused my rare neurological deafness, the broken toe, bad back, ripped and torn fingernails and hangnails and the flesh-eating zombie disease which was recently diagnosed as eczema.

The noise was a deer having a field day with a flowering bush. I have tons of flowering bushes, but why choose the one underneath my open window? Added to this was the fetid stench that also caused me to awaken gulping for air, trying not to regurgitate. Deer stink. Okay, I said it. Deer stink. They reek. And they crepitate. The combination of their natural body odor and the gas is mind boggling.

I also have a deep-seated feeling that deer are perverse creatures. As perverse as cats. Yes, cats are perverse. I'm a dog lover and a cat can sense that from fifty miles away. I'm also highly allergic to cats which induce them to gravitate towards me, rub themselves around my ankles and plant their bodies on top of my face while I sleep. That's another disgusting way to wake up: being smothered by cats and choking as their fur penetrates my nostrils not to mention my inability to breathe due to allergy.

What I mean by deer being perverse creatures is this: 10 months a year, my neighbors don't venture to this part of the country as they're summer residents. The deer can frolic on their yards, eat their vegetation and simply leave me alone. You'd think the deer would take advantage of these properties deplete of people?

Nope!

They come over here. Underneath my bedroom window. They eat my vegetation, stinking up my bedroom from their natural body odor and crepitation, waking me from a deep sleep.

I do reciprocate and shriek at them. They simply stare at me. When I'm done, they resume what they're doing. Sometimes, the high pitch of my voice annoys them so they saunter away, laughing at me, perverse creatures that they are.

This is not precisely a good way to start the day.





Should you want to read any of my stuff on this site, here's the link: Click Here!


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