Guest Post - Sex from Both Sides

Sex From Both Sides

Dating Advice with John Powers & April Brucker

I was honored to be a guest writer on the popular dating advice blog, Sex from Both Sides. This is a big fucking deal. April Brucker and John Powers are the next generation of comedians - young, smart, savvy, worldly. Oh yes, funny as hell. 

In wake of American media rattling the cages of racial discord (right after their success with Gun Control and the 2nd Amendment which now is greeted by yawns), John asked me to write something about interracial dating. The man must have a death wish.

I stated, "Do I have a story for you!"

The only caveat is that it couldn't exceed 300 words. That's a haiku in my world.

And here we go:

July 16, 2013

Is Interracial Dating Ok?

Comedy eDating Author Maura Stone
Maura Stone
My boyfriend was a tall, dark and handsome man. Let me amend that: really dark. Let me amend that again: like African-American. 
My mother freaked. “Do you have any idea how difficult your life will be?” Mom knew firsthand racism and prejudice due to her chocolate skin, black hair and eyes. That didn’t stop me. Larry was my dream come true: worldly, sophisticated, intelligent and gorgeous. I was smitten! Everything was about Larry.
Black and white couples in 1977 even in chic Manhattan were rare. People stared at us. Unaware the true reason, I preened because we were adorable: young, good-looking, happy and polar opposites in skin color. Through Larry, I realized my embedded racism after I called Famous Amos cookies, a hit at the time, Amos & Andy cookies. He fell off the bed shouting, “WHAT THE HELL? THAT’S RACIST!”
Still, in this relationship I had the upper hand with two strikes against me, white and Jewish, as opposed to his one. Several days later, he entered his bedroom where I holed up, studying. 
“My friends’re coming over. Wanted to let you know we speak different while together.” 
He meant without any white people around. Instead of studying, I eavesdropped. 
After his friends left, I said, “What’re you talking about? You guys speak exactly the same as among your white friends.”
He muttered, “They knew you’re here.”
“If they did, they wouldn’t have had the conversations they had.”
To the relief of both sets of parents we broke up soon after. Over the decades, we kept in touch. He recently said, “I should’ve married you then.” We never would’ve lasted. It wasn’t race or religion; it was our personalities. As he said, “Frivolous is too mild a word.”
- Maura Stone
Author, The Complete E-Dating Comedy Series

April Brucker
April Brucker
When I was growing up, I was raised in a town where interracial dating was a no no. Down the street from me was of course an uber-religious, full fledged psychotic megachurch that claimed they could cure gays, and the youth group had the pizza party conversion system.. We were told that any girl who dated black men was viewed as trashy, easy, and no white boy would ever want us again. We would be marked. On top of that we were told black men were lazy, would beat us, and leave us as single mothers. So needless to say as a white girl dating black men was out.
When I got to NYC I remember seeing mixed race couples which surprised me. They were happy and the women from other races with their black boyfriends or husbands did not look like they were sustaining any beating, unless there were whips and chains I did not know about. Black and Spanish guys were different than the white guys I was used to. They were much more upfront which was kind of scary. Plus the stereotype of the Latin stalker made me wary. So I stuck to white guys, coffee dates, and dorky dudes whining about World of War Craft and being friend zoned.
However, after some horrendous experiences with white guys (one was a stalker, move over Latinos), I was asked out by a gentlemen of color. I figured I had enough of the white miscreants, let’s see what mutants this race had to offer. I ended up having a great time, and while it didn’t last I am still friendly with him. So I started dating all types of guys: white, black, Spanish. I found that not one Spanish dude stalked me which was a tad disappointing, but eh. The Spanish dudes were the only time guys ever cooked for me, and I didn’t risk death.
My findings, despite the fact that black and Spanish dudes are more upfront in my experience, showed me one thing. A dude is a dude. They are all overgrown man children who have psychological wounds from their childhood that yield a lot of whining. Like lions, they are always growling and howling, but secretly look for a female zookeeper to cage them because beasts of burden do not cook. Oh and they all believe their penis to have magical powers, and after being struck with their disco stick you will be under the magic spell of infatuation. They second they meet you they are plotting ways to rattle your cage. And while they can have a past, the second they find out about yours they go ape shit jealous. (Note, that was a general comment, not a racist joke against blacks). Oh and when you dump them they are all SORE LOSERS!
In the end, a good relationship is not about skin color or any other superficial factor. It is about mutual love and respect for both your likenesses and differences. Plus if you have a mixed baby it too could be president. As Mellencamp would say, “I need a lover that won’t drive me crazy.”
- April Brucker

John Powers
John Powers
It’s fine with me. Go ahead.
There. Shortest advice column ever.
The hard part about dating is finding someone that you get along with and who makes you feel good about yourself and your relationship (whether serious or temporary). Race should not stop you from exploring a possibility with someone you are interested in. Get over it. As the Red Hot Chili Peppers once suggested, “…mix it up until there are no pedigrees.”
Look at my picture. I’m a tall and handsome man… but I’m a bit on the brown side of the spectrum. Most of the time I get approached by people asking if I’m Egyptian, Persian, Greek, Hispanic or sometimes they guess right. I’m ethnically ambiguous and I’m fine with it. People can’t tell where my blood came from and it makes me smile. I’ll admit I’m lucky to have never experienced any racism on the dating front. Women probably think I’m well-tanned. Perhaps it’s my charisma and strikingly good looks, or maybe women can smell my pheromones from 5 city blocks away… but I’ve never been turned down (as far as I know) based on my skin.
In fact… it has probably opened doors (figuratively and literally). I’ve dated women of every color, shade, and hue (except green… green women are disgusting). It’s the ’90s and it’s important to have an open mind and judge people based on how they present themselves and how they speak rather than where they land on the brightness level in photoshop.
People say there is more to interracial dating than skin tone. There are cultural differences that come with dating outside of your own race that you may or may not like. Many of us find it amusing to sit in a setting that is unlike anything we are used to. Going to a friend’s house who is very Italian is different from having dinner with an Irish family. In my family it’s all about the punchline. Wit and intellect rule. Whomever creates the most laughter… wins. There’s no prize. It just feels good. Sometimes we get loud or low-brow. Someone who is from a quiet, reserved family background might feel strange and/or uncomfortable there.
… but it doesn’t matter what other people think. They are not dating this person. They are not sleeping with this person. They are not learning and growing with this person. The only thing that matters is how you feel. If you’re attracted to someone and they treat you right then I say go for it. Find someone who makes you feel good about who you are and make the most of it.

- John Powers

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