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Requiem for Chirpy

Chirpie RIP 8/9/13

Seated at the kitchen table, typing feverish snarky things on my laptop to my friend on Facebook about a guy who murdered his wife and then posted the event, I was suddenly distracted.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a drone strike my giant kitchen window with a resounding THUD.

Within seconds, I ran outside and saw in my deck chair a little bird. I gathered he flew right into the window and then fell like a stone onto the chair. Several times he tried to get up, but fell back. I ran back inside and put on an oven mitt (just in case of disease). Gently, I lifted him off the chair and onto the deck. I checked him out. He didn't seem to have broken anything, but he couldn't snap out of it.

My neighbor was out on his deck. I figured, he's a doctor, so he'd know what to do.

"Hey Rog," I yelled over. "A bird kamakazied into my window. He's hyperventilating. Can I bring him over?"

Rog screamed back. "I'm eating my lunch. Leave me alone."

Why should I've expected any other reaction? I know I scare the shit outta this man when I do my outdoor chores. More than likely, he fears I may do something to myself that'll require his assistance like set a broken leg, dial 9-1-1 or resuscitation. At times, I catch him peering at me warily when I do manual labor. As if I'm testing his resolve like the time I fell off the ladder. Or almost weedwacked my right foot. Or took apart the lawn mower engine which resulted in a bit of a fire when I turned it back on.

I looked at the bird. "Sorry, guy, you're out of luck."

Re-entering the house, I found a box. Back on the deck, I put the bird inside.

"Hey, Rog," I shouted over at my neighbor. "He's not doing so well."

"Don't even dream of coming over. I'll have you arrested for trespassing."

Moments later, the bird tipped over, dead. "No problem, Rog. He just died. Crapped right before he did, though."

I heard an inhuman shriek. "Thanks loads, Maura. I'm still eating my lunch."

If I keep this up, perhaps Rog'll either kill me or put up a fence. Only time will tell.


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6 comments:

Greg Malakoff said...

You have an incredible way of describing events.

Greg Malakoff said...

You have an incredible way of describing events. PS for some reason the level of security to post a response is too difficult, so I'll just read them.

maura stone said...

Sorry bout that, Greg. I need that in place because I was slammed with spam about bad credit loans, purchasing discounted drugs, escort services and all sorts of fun things.

Please persevere. I love your comments.

andi said...

Doctors have it tough these days, they think: assist a bird and get sued when the bird dies…

Not that you'd sue on behalf of a bird, but nothing is simple any more.

I am an aspiring robot, no Obamacare for robots.

andi said...

I too find the security overbearing. I'm already signed in with my Google account yet I have to sign in again for blogger. Then a new captcha for each post and for some reason my first captcha try is no good.

maura stone said...

Ok. I'll eliminate the captcha. But if I get any more penis enhancement spam comments, I'm leaving it.