There's a reason why people don't stay in touch outside of changes in life and circumstances. It could have something to do with the fact that there's nothing much in common. Or a rift was created and no way back.
And then you have FACEBOOK.
Facebook is the gift that keeps on giving. Like a chancre sore, it makes sure the past reappears. Over and over. Unescapable. A veritable version of Huis Clos. (google the allusion!)
I allowed myself to follow the siren song of Facebook and got sucked into virtual relationships with people who once crossed my path. That includes ex-boyfriends, ex-colleagues, old acquaintances and friends and...
HIGH SCHOOL CLASSMATES.
All the recent Facebook drama centers this time around my 40th high school reunion. I didn't attend. I attended the 10th, 20th, 30th and 35th. I decided not to attend the 40th even before I was struck with my neurological deafness diseases. One reason is that I've nothing in common with my classmates. First off, I'm one of the few single women who never married other than a lesbian classmate. Now that she married, I'm the only truly single one in my class.
Never having married nor divorced, no kids or grandkids leaves me with little conversation with the majority of former classmates. It's not as if I've close friendships with any in my class where I can exchange fond memories.
Not only that, from my prior attendance at the previous reunions, I discovered I never went to any of the parties or social events which my classmates held. It makes me wonder whether I went to the same school. Over 30 years these people have been in touch, fomenting close relationships with each others' families and spouses.
I've none of these experiences. Outside of making friends at the 35th reunion with two very wonderful people, June and Greg, I felt the isolation I usually feel after these reunion events. I'm convinced that I lived in a parallel universe because I can't remember much about these people.
The other reason why I didn't attend the 40th reunion is that I didn't want to subject myself to unnecessary pain. Since I suffer from hyperacusis, a rare neurological deafness disease, I live a life mostly in silence. Many readers of my blog are well aware that I had to change my life to accommodate my disease. The thought of being in a room with a live band and a hundred people - let me clarify - a hundred strangers with whom I have no true association other than inhabiting the same building for four years doesn't really warm the cockles of my heart.
Let me tell you, I made the right decision. The day after the reunion, one organizer who I met for a very pleasant lunch three years ago tagged me in a reunion picture. The woman had no idea who I was! That shocked the shit outta me. Not only that, some people said I would've suffered for it was loud.
Stupid me. I made a comment on Facebook that I made the right decision and didn't attend due to the SOUND. The subtext was also because the organizer had no idea that I didn't attend - I'm such a non-entity to them that my presence or lack of it didn't mean a goddamn thing.
But, let's get back to what I wrote: I didn't attend due to the sound.
Let's read that again: DUE TO THE SOUND!
One more time for the thinking impaired from my high school who didn't read it right:
DUE TO THE SOUND!
The most hurtful and spiteful remarks was from one of the organizers, the one I met for lunch who knows the diseases that I have, one who shares a deafness disease that got her on disability who had the temerity to say that the sound was PERFECT and LOUD.
The net result was 100 people unfriended me. I'm a callous soul who dared criticize sound. Fuck my disease, right?
Now I know I definitely made the right decision - to suffer crippling pain to be with people who, at a drop of a hat would hang me - fuck that shit.
Just don't include me on any high school reunion or classmate get togethers. I wash my hands of it.
Thanks loads, Facebook!
On the other hand, I met some wonderful people who I never met in real life. Beautiful people. Talented people. Perhaps I should remove my past acquaintances who gave me grief and aggravation on Facebook and just focus on the terrific people I recently met.
Sounds like a plan.
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