I Have Arrived!

Alas, poor Porky!

Since I lead a life falling under the radar, recent indicators show I have finally arrived. Meaning, people do take stock of me and find me worthy. Worthy of what, I've no idea.

Romeo & Juliet Outdoors Performance at the Pig Roast
Recent indicators include an annual invite to the Pig Roast. No kidding, the Pig Roast up here is something big as only a select amount of movers and shakers are invited. I felt honored last year with my first invitation in gorgeous calligraphy on vellum paper. Many of my friends who weren't invited said, "My my, how you arrived!”

They’ve been here their entire lives as opposed to my three years (now going on four years) of four season residence instead of weekend and summer visitations. It meant that I fell in with the cool crowd. If for only one Pig Roast.

I had a marvelous time. They even performed an adaptation of a Shakespeare play in twenty minutes. In costume. That blew me away.

Surprisingly, I was invited again this year. That’s when I knew I arrived.

But nothing prepared me for other recent events, grander indicators that I, indeed, count:

* Barbara Taylor Bradford, the doyenne of 25 best-selling romance novels, cited my first novel, Five-Star FLEECING, as her favorite book on goodreads as well as ME as her fav author!!

* My website has been visited by none other than the DOJ, Congress, Senate, FBI, CIA and the NYS Assembly.

and lastly,

* Anonymous, the international hacker and activist group, followed me on twitter.

I’m totally, thoroughly thrilled and honored that an esteemed author like Barbara Taylor Bradford endorses my first novel. The fact that so many government agencies hit my website has truly startled me. And what particularly freaked me out has to do with Anonymous following me on twitter. That made me sit up and take notice.

First off, Anonymous has over 10,000 followers on twitter and only follows 909 people. Including me. It shows I have some appeal. Secondly, it isn’t every day an international hacker and activist group follows my twitter feeds.

Lastly, all I need is to have the NSA hit my website. Hell, for all I know, they’re already listening to me now through my iPhone. I hope they enjoy the silence of my house; they might die of boredom. I can imagine the conversation:

NSA analyst: Just our luck to listen in on a woman who suffers from a rare neurological deafness disease, hyperacusis!

NSA agent: What does that mean?

NSA analyst: The dissenter lives in SILENCE! The only thing we’ll hear is her washing dishes and showering. If we’re lucky, we may catch her taking a shit or masturbating. Anyway, she’s always typing.

NSA agent: What is she typing?

NSA analyst: Blog posts about us discussing her.

NSA agent: WTF? Watch her closely on her computer!

Anonymous following me on twitter only verifies that I’m a dissenter. As some of you know, I’m totally enraged with what’s going on in America today. I’ve been enraged under the last President as well, but now, now I’m over the top.

I see the end of a former democratic republic. Since this President’s been in power, I’ve seen America deconstructed far more than I could ever believe possible in a short period of time. We’re well on our merry way towards Communism and a third-rate country at that.

I’ve openly stated I’m a dissenter, yet to get that kind of acclaim, that guilt by association, well....

After much thought and reflection, I realized that having Anonymous follow me doesn’t sell my books. I sincerely doubt any of those hackers and activists would sit down and read about corporate greed and discrimination written in a hilarious manner in my first novel, Five-Star FLEECING. I sincerely doubt any of them would be interested in my online dating satire, eDating the Old School Way; something tells me they don’t get out too much as they’re too busy causing havoc with hacking computers.

In relief, I noticed this morning I was unfollowed. They, as well, play the twitter game - they follow and then when you follow back, they unfollow. Or perhaps my innocuous tweets got to them:

I see a ham in your future

where they recognize that perhaps I’m not a kindred spirit.

At any rate, I can breathe a little freer knowing they passed me by. Besides, it’s not every day when one gets blown off by an international hacker and activist group, my new claim to fame.

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