The New Zombies - A Little Aside

I look at the craziness of the world today - where the US Government has openly and cavalierly lied to its people about Benghazi, Fast & Furious, IRS targeting Conservatives, the sub-par economy going into its 6th year, Agenda 21, the stench of Obamacidecare, the President openly defying the Constitution, global Islamification - and yet, I complain about the little things.

Yes, it’s the little things in life I kvetch about. Because I can’t control this crazy-ass government, taxing the rich to empower the poor (which is the first step towards Communism), reducing education to point and click, legalizing pot to make sure we’re even more stoned not to get off our couches where we masturbate to internet porn because we’re too fucking fat from processed and genetically engineered junk food to attract sexual partners. And let’s not forget the constant enforcement of gay marriage and gay rights although women still get paid 30 - 40 percent less than men and only constitute 1% of line jobs, meaning power jobs.

BTW - Nancy Pelosi and Hilary Clinton don’t count. Feral insanity, greed, corruption and cloaked lesbianism are not representative of the US female population.

Whew! Glad I got that off my well-endowed chest.

I want to go on the record here I’m against the legalization of pot to the shock and consternation of my friends and neighbors.

“What the fuck?” cried my friend, Jayne.

“You can thank the people in this town for my attitude,” I said. I live in a remote agricultural community and summer resort area that experienced permanent upheaval since the 1969 Woodstock Music Festival. Since then, gray-haired hippies and younger people with no ambition in life have moved in, blaming it all on that festival. We also have a thriving artist community, mostly stoned out of their wits’ end as well.

“Did you ever realize that the majority of the people who we interact with are stoned out of their minds?” I said. In fact, I’m such a non-stoner that I returned pot someone gave me two years ago in its entirety as his Christmas gift, a regifting of sorts. He was thrilled.

Being and getting stoned in my community is a natural way of life, a given. In fact, one of the aging, graying hippies here, known for only having six teeth in his head, explains his chronic pot smoking as the sole way he can self-medicate as his body is purportedly immune to aspirin.

“Oh boy,” I said to Jayne. “Wish I had that explanation.”

In fact, he faces jail time for his hot house, claiming the 183 plants are for his nocturnal usage. The wild part is that people support him and are livid he was busted.

“Let me understand this,” I said. “He’s trying to tell us this isn’t for commercial use? Who smokes that much on a daily basis?”

Wrong question to ask here. For all I know, they’re his clients.

My best stoner story is when I sat in a local cafe one Sunday. A young guy entered to enquire about work. I could smell him from the other side of the room and said, “Hey, Fred, you smell like pot!”

He looked at me and said, “It’s Sunday, my day off. No way am I not going to be stoned.” And was quite surprised that he wasn’t hired for the job. It may have something to do with being stoned out of his mind and unable to cook, the post he wanted.

Sorry, but after being around stoners, I do NOT trust them with knives, stoves and ovens. Call me small-minded.

But that’s not the reason why I’m against the legalization of pot. I witnessed these people dummy down while stoned. And it made me think about the recent push.

In 1978, I worked for Philip Morris International. One of the Trademark Managers came up to me.

“Psst. Wanna see something cool?” she asked.

“Sure,” I responded.

“Don’t tell anyone you saw this,” she said.

I followed her down the hallway, into a back room that led into a vault. Inside, she pulled out a key and opened a heavily padlocked file. She pulled open a drawer and then showed me trademarks for packaging.

PANAMA RED was the name. Inside a bull’s eye was a cartoon character with a bulbous nose, a thatch of red hair, wearing a small cowboy hat.

“What is this?” I asked.

“Packaging for marijuana cigarettes,” she stated. “We got the fields ready. Now, we’re waiting for it to be legalized.”

It’s been a long wait. But, perhaps they used the fields and the pot for medical marijuana. After all, where the hell does THAT pot come from?

So, after 36 years, pot’s being legalized under this current President. This is the same guy who pushed health care reform to help Americans, undermining medical insurance for 4.7 million people. This is the same guy who pushed gay rights and marriage, a very pressing issue for the 9 million gay, lesbian and bisexual individuals. This is the guy who wants to take our guns away, hoodwink women to believe reproductive rights are far more important than equal rights and pay in the workplace and use his clout to impose terrorism in Egypt and support the jihadists.

Oh boy.

Thanks to my small town, I see the complacency of stoners. The only time they get agitated is when they’re denied pot. But, they’re happy to be stoned, happier to wack off, happiest to eat junk food while playing Truckin’ on their out of tune banjos.

“Well, pot’s healthier than cigarettes and alcohol,” Jayne pointed out.

“Let’s talk about that,” I said. “As you can tell, Americans have hardly any self-discipline. They abuse these so-called legal addictions. Hell, they can’t even control themselves with FOOD. Do you want to talk about credit card debt? Sex? So, can you honestly tell me they won’t all become addicted to the drug that’s supposedly non-addictive?”

She looked at me. Then, she looked around at our stoned cohorts. “You got a point.”

“It’s easier to conquer a nation while giving them everything they want: internet porn, cell phones, selfies, hacked music and movies, not to mention junk food. And now unlimited pot.”

Perhaps, by the time pot’s legalized in several states, the President can do what he really wants to do. He recently threatened us with his 2014 agenda of remedying income inequality which is a nouveau speak of transforming this capitalist country into the prototype of a Communist one.

But hardly anyone will give a shit as they’ll be addicted to pot.

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