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A Typical Day in the Life of...


I’ve seen better days.


“I’m not avoiding you,” stated my webmeister, “it’s just that I’m retiring.” Of course he would retire when I needed him the most - to update my old website.

“No problem,” I said, confident it would be easy to find a replacement.

Three weeks later, I found myself struggling to get someone. Anyone. Yet, within my criteria - cheap and talented. Out of desperation, I phoned the domain server and was immediately placed on hold for an hour. Eventually, a customer rep answered.

“Can you recommend someone to help me with my website?” I asked.

“Do you know you can do it yourself?”

“Really?”

“Oh yes. We have tutorials,” she stated and then suggested where to look.

Two nights later, hair standing up straight, bug-eyed, I phoned and once again placed on hold for an hour. Eventually, a technical support person came on.

“Listen, I got a problem,” I said. “Well, many. First off, my original website disappeared.” I almost stroked out when I went back to my website to copy and paste the data on there only to find this:



I shit thee not.

She responded, “Let me check.” After twenty minutes on hold, she came back on. “Well, your site is from an old package that we don’t use anymore. It was eliminated when you went to amend it.”

“Holy Shit!” I shrieked. “I got tons of information on it. Information I need.” I inhaled deeply and calmly stated, “By the way, this new system is clunky. It craps out every fifteen minutes--”

She burst out into laughter. It was one of those knowing, sardonic laughs.

Undeterred, realizing my goose was cooked, I continued, “And, for some reason I can’t find the links to add all the radio interviews and videos from my original website.”

“To tell you the truth, you no longer have that function unless you upgrade your service.”

Right at that moment, my phone cut her off.

“Holy SHIT!” I shrieked once more, staring at my iPhone 6 with 0 bars.

Four hours later, with no phone service I broke down and called AT&T from my computer. “Listen, what’s going on here? Over the past two weeks, I get intermittent phone service and today when I really need it, I can’t get any.”

“Let me check,” said the AT&T technical support. Twenty minutes later, he returned to the line. “Well, I had to manually move your satellite server.”

“What does that mean?”

“Because of where you live, the satellite doesn’t work from time to time and your service bounces to another satellite from far away.”

“So what do I do?”

“You’ll have to phone us to let us know,” he said.

The back of my head blew up. “You mean to tell me that I pay for full service, yet I have to continuously call you for manual adjustments so I can get service?”

“Yes.”

“And I have to pay exorbitant rates for the privilege of unreliable service?”

“Yes.”

At that point I wondered whether AT&T and my domain server were in cahoots together, a typical paranoid thought for someone like me who enjoys all sorts of conspiracy theories.

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