Valentine’s Day Polarity

The Polarity by Mindtuber

Valentine’s Day 2015 was marked by the release of the 50 Shades movie. Frequent readers of my blog know precisely how I feel about that! Which leads me to present two articles published online as a polarized view of Valentine’s Day:

Love and Romance, a Pre-Valentine’s Day Story

January 30, 2015

“I’ve been married for forty-six years,” Joe announced at our local cafe. “Did I ever tell you how my wife and I met?”

“Nope,” I responded. For some reason, people love to confide in me. They really shouldn’t as what they disclose finds its way in written form. Like now.

“My buddy and I were hanging around and he offered to set me up on a blind date. He made all the arrangements and hinted that she was a roundheels so I wouldn’t have any problems getting laid.”

Mind you, this is a 70-year old fellow confiding in me.

“The appointed day, I knocked at her apartment door. A lovely woman answered and I said, ‘Hi, I’m Joe, Stan’s friend. Wanna go out on a date?’”

“‘Sure,’ she said and left with me. We had a great time, walking, talking, eating at a nice restaurant. At the end of the evening, I escorted her home and she gave me a peck on the cheek. Two weeks later, I met my pal, Stan, and he asked about the date.”

Joe then let out a rip-roaring laugh. “Turns out the roundheels had a roommate! I never asked my date’s name, she never offered it and that explains why she ignored all my attempts to get laid! That night, around 2am, I knocked at her door.

‘What do you want?’ she asked behind the door chain.

‘Do you know how to cook?’ I asked. ‘I’m very hungry.’

‘I’m Italian, of course I know how to cook!’

She made me the most amazing meal. The very next day, I knocked at her door, carrying a satchel. I moved in and the rest is magic.”

Joe’s story put a smile on my face. Nothing like a little romance. He promised to bring photos of her the next time we chat.

This is NOT a Parody of 50 Shades, No Indeedy!

February 8, 2015
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Just how hot is 50 Shades of Gray? Only the Bubbameistah would know. She’s the infamous edating advisor from eDating the Old School Way, the hottest new comedy about the hazards of online interactions.

The Bubbameistah dispels savvy and snarky advice, such as, “Is the shtupping you’re getting worth the shtupping you’re getting?” She points out catfish, Damaged Goods, escorts and zombies to the uninitiated. As well as provides oodles of entertainment to the jaded online enthusiast.

We blindfolded the Bubbameistah and then told her that the following quotes were excerpts to edating profiles when, in actuality, they’re from 50 Shades of Gray.

This is her take:

Quote: I’ve very singular tastes. 
The Bubbameistah’s translation: You ain’t gonna like what he’s going to display. It may entail a parrot on the shoulder among many many other things.

Quote: My inner goddess is jumping up and down, clapping her hands like a five year old.
The Bubbameistah’s translation: This isn’t the kind of woman with whom you can discuss Kierkegaard. But that’s not why they’re online dating, right?

Quote: I’m a Dominant.
The Bubbameistah’s translation: He’s a Dominant.

Quote: I have fallen for someone who’s so emotionally shut down, I will only get hurt – deep down I know this – someone who by his own admission is completely f**ked up.”
The Bubbameistah’s translation: This one’s a winner. She may boil a bunny for him or vent all that pent-up rage and angst on the next guy who tries to date her.

Quote: I’m fifty shades of f**ked up.
The Bubbameistah’s translation: Trust him when he says he’s f**ked up. 

Quote: A man who acquires the ability to take full possession of his own mind may take possession of anything else to which he is justly entitled.
The Bubbameistah’s translation: Another example of Damaged Goods.

Afterwards, the Bubbameistah gave us an example of online dating. When you see the following pictures posted on a profile:

you can bet your bottom dollar this is what they REALLY look like:

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