The Perfect Family

Still makes me bolt outta bed at 3am in a wave of panic, terror and night sweats.

The Donna Reed Show really screwed with my head. For years I watched the perfect family with a well-coiffed, stay-at-home beautiful mother, a pediatrician father who knew what to say and when, and normal kids. What really fucked my head over was that their last name was:


My family was such a deviation from the tv Stone family, I wondered whether any of us were normal. My mother favored a beehive hairdo that, over the years, increasingly resembled the Bride of Frankenstein’s, my father was the mad scientist who had a low to negligible tolerance towards people  in general as his brain moved faster than everyone else around him and my siblings, well...

Top all of this off with three feral dogs allowed to roam wild in the house, incessant blaring of the tv 24/7 and what you got was bedlam.

No wonder I like living alone in perfect silence.

The older I get, the more people I meet who willingly confide their life stories, the more I realize my family wasn’t too dysfunctional. Dysfunctional, yes. Extreme Jerry Springer -type dysfunctional... not. Nevertheless, that Donna Reed tv show screwed up a lot of kids growing up in the 1950’s and 1960’s for we believed something was wrong with our families because they never resembled the tv Stones.

Today, children aren’t that gullible. Or, if they are, then they're really gonna get screwed up by today’s version of The Donna Reed Show: Madam Secretary. In this tv show, the mother is a degreed up the wazoo former CIA agent now Secretary of State, the husband is a professor, and her two kids are bright. There’s a bit of mystery tossed in and a kid who dropped out of college to keep the audience from dying of saccharine, yet it’s really a post-modern high-barred Mother Knows Best or my fav, The Donna Reed Show. 

Despite that one detraction, I enjoy the positive reinforcement of education and striving to do good. Now, if they had one gay kid and adopted a minority one, perhaps transsexual and/or handicapped with an amazing performing talent, the tv show would probably be Glee in the White House.

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