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Mysteryland - the Thud that Roared








People are lemmings and possess peapod mentalities. In my town, I can count on those same people
Look - they all went to Mysteryland!
to silence anything related to good ol’ common sense. The extent to which they go to prove they’re right has been insane.

The name of the game is to call someone a ‘whiner’ or ‘complainer’ and then they back down.

For who wants to be known as a whiner or a complainer?

Well, motherfuckers, I’m BOTH a whiner and a complainer. Because, honestly, I’m not scared of speaking my mind. Like, what’s going to happen? Someone’s NOT going to buy my award-winning books????

Three years ago, a local bigmouth, aka Planter’s Wart, didn’t like what I had to say. He phoned 200 people notifying them that I’m a schmuck. How did I know?

Strangers came up to me and said, “If Planter’s Wart didn’t phone me about you, I would never have known you’re a novelist.”

As luck would have it, I bumped into Planter’s Wart the following day.

“Thank you!” I smiled, exposing my molars in a shit-eating grin, “I couldn’t afford a promotional campaign like this!”

Grousing, he said, “Did they tell you what I said?”

“Yes, and there’s nothing like bad press for it’s better than good.”

Back to my story, I stood up at the Town Hall meeting a month ago and complained about the sound from the prior year’s Mysteryland. All 13 residents in the audience stared at me, shaking in their boots, for I’m a dissenter.

Mysteryland reps were evasive, the Town Board, who received FREE passes to Mysteryland, kept quiet and I was given the bullshit line, “We’ll ensure it won’t be bad.”

Ha!

Luckily for Mysteryland, they made their quota this year with $15,000,000 of ticket sales for 4 days alone, not including their 42% cut from vendors’ sales and lord knows what. Rumor has it that there’s a $52 fee on each ticket, but $0 came to my town. We only got $10,000 tax deductible from them to our grant project which runs a 2nd to the nepotism of our county’s Industrial Development Agency. I won’t fail to mention the one-day goodwill gesture when they had people come on up from Manhattan  (in exchange of free tickets) to plant flowers on top of the landfill where the town strategically placed its municipal pool.

I’m way too impressed.

According to the muzzle artists, the local prima donnas who LOVE Mysteryland, local Bethel businesses made tons of money from Mysteryland participants. So, I went from business to business up and down 17B close to the site and found out something remarkable: it just ain’t so. The record business came from the seasonal summer visitors on the long Memorial Day weekend.

PERIOD.

One last word: children were there as well as drugs in abundance. Not the soft ones like pot, but hardcore shit. Lots of drug busts as well. And, I heard lots of public sex. But hey, I’m complaining and whining!

These same lemmings didn’t have issues with children being present, even babies, having their hearing blown off. Talk about going to extremes in insanity to prove a libtard point!

Since I’ve been mocked and vilified because I suffer from hyperacusis, the sensitivity to all sound (idiopathic since I had perfect hearing) in relation to being subjected to the THUD THUD THUD of the bass, my sole solace is that the participants at Mysteryland will end up as well with:


HYPERACUSIS!


It’s also associated with too much exposure to loud sound for long periods of time. Like, 4 days non-stop.

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1 comment:

maura stone said...

I just heard a story from a local business.

“Yes, we finally had business from the Mysteryland people this morning after they left the site. It was the worst thing that could happen to us.”

“Why?” I asked, curious.

“Remember, they spent 3 or 4 days stoned and drunk. This morning, they were hung over or strung out. They weren’t nice, in fact, we had to phone the police to get rid of the more belligerent ones.”

Another employee piped up. “We don’t know how much money we made because we haven’t netted it out from the shoplifting.”

Of course, according to the legions of Mysteryland sycophants, this will be discredited as fantasy.