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Answer: Because I can!



I want to thank the three people who wrote me in as Judge on the recent election ballot. Although I lost by 732 votes, still, I appreciate your support.

On a lighter note, I’ve been rather giddy as of late. It all started when my friend, Jane, told me and another friend, Henry, about a grisly fire the other night.

“My husband said the guy was beyond burnt.”

“Oh, my God!” I said. “Reminds me of how Keith Carradine died.”

“Huh?” said my two friends.

“He fell asleep, drunk, while smoking on a naugahyde sofa.”

Henry shook his head. “I don’t think it was Keith Carradine.”

Adamant, I said, “Of course it was. He was married to Shirley Jones. I know about her because she has a mild case of spina bifida, just like me."

My friends exchanged glances.

“Let me google her,” I said and pulled out my handy MacBook Air 11”. I never leave home without it. In seconds, I was chastened.

“Sorry guys, she was married to Jack Cassidy. At least I got his death right.”

“But, what’s this about spina bifida?” asked Jane.

“I only have it in one vertebra,” I said.

Henry intervened. “Keith Carradine’s still alive.”

“No he isn’t,” I retorted. “He accidentally killed himself by asphyxiation with auto-erotica in a hotel in Thailand.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” cried Jane. “That’s not Keith Carradine.”

“Didn’t he have that tv show where he called his student, ‘Little Cockroach?'”

Exasperated, Jane said, “No! That was David Carradine and it was ‘Little Grasshopper.'”

Having quickly googled David Carradine, I smugly pointed out, “Well, at least I got his death right.”

Again, my friends exchanged glances.

And then I remembered, “Oh, it was Florence Henderson who has spina bifida!”

“What the hell does spina bifida have to do with a horrific death?”

Later that day, I went home and while watching a tv show, googled one of the actors. Only to find that her third child has spina bifida. Of course, I texted Jane who, in return, texted me:

“Watching Shallow Hal. There’s a guy who has spina bifida in the movie.”

The following day, I met with Jane at her cafe and in walks a woman and her child who has... spina bifida. After they left, Jane said, “Listen, I never spoke about spina bifida before and it shows up all over the place now. So, how about we talk about being millionaires and see whether that shows up!”

Game on.

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