I Took One for the Gipper

The Devil Incarnate

"You do know that having a pet extends your life, right?" said my friend, Laslo.

I don't know about that. Since I allowed this kitten in my home ten months ago, I suffer from massive sleep deprivation and constant battling. My hands and arms are scarred. Now I have an additional complaint to add to the list.


Sent the following email to my friend overseas:

I've had such a week. 

My friend from NYC came over to go with me for an endoscopy. Later that day, while she napped, I left the house to search for my kitten (another story!) that scuttled out of the house earlier. And I slipped on ice. 

Hours later we returned from the emergency room. I was informed that I broke my ankle and tore my ligaments. Of course, I was released to deal with the problem, armed with rickety crutches. My friend helped me down the path, perilous at best. The road is 20' higher than my cottage and the path a steep 40 degrees downward, difficult to navigate even with two legs.

Right after my friend left, we had a snowstorm. 

Had to return to the medical facility to meet with a chiropractic surgeon for a consultation two days later. Even though they knew I needed surgery, in order to proceed, I needed a consultation. Can they drag it out any longer?

Called Medical Transport and ordered an ambulette because they are able to accommodate non-ambulatory people. Or so I thought. 

The ambulette guy waited for my neighbor to shovel a path to my cottage. My neighbor (from across the street) is a very nice fellow. Even nicer because I stepped on an ice patch on his property and broke an ankle. When the guy finally walked up to my cottage, he asked, "Where's your wheelchair?" 

"Why did I bother calling for an ambulette?" I shrieked. "You're supposed to have one."

He didn't.

Forty minutes later, another ambulette came to give him a wheelchair. As I live in a poor county, the wheelchair was also in disrepair, missing a leg rest. He and his buddy pushed and shoved me up hill to the van and nearly broke their necks on ice patches. 

Two hours later, I arrived at the medical facility (45 minutes away). The surgeon sat down and said, "You need an operation."

"Okay, I'm ready."

She sniffed. "Not today. Tomorrow."

I blew a gasket. "Listen, Lady. You have no idea what I went through to get here today," and proceeded to give her blow by blow details.

The following morning, another ambulette arrived, this time armed with a wheelchair. As this was an outpatient operation (to place a plate and screws in my ankle), I arrived without a thing on me, believing I'd be home in two hours.

A day and a half later, I was released from the hospital. Luckily, the pain is minimal. Next week, the stitches will be removed and the cast as well. I'll be housebound until April.

BTW - the cat returned home.

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