Here's to You, Dad!

My father and I were oil and vinegar.

"When he says black, you say white," said my mother, a complaint oft repeated over decades.

I've Always Been a Bit of a Slut

Admittedly, I've always been a bit of a slut. Still am. Kinda funny to say that now when I'm a few years shy of 60.

I Need a Good Laugh Like I Need to Get Laid

The last time I had a good laugh was the last time I had sex. But the last time I had good sex was way longer than when I had a good laugh. Which was a long time ago! I need a good laugh. As much as I need good sex. But I really really need that deep from the soul, earth-shaking, body convulsing... Oh my god - I just realized the two for me are one and the same!

You Can Pick Your Friends, But You Can't Pick Their Noses

In the middle of an embarrassing meeting yesterday morning in NYC - embarrassing because I interviewed for positions requiring heavy phoning in the midst of a trading room (my former career) and I'm almost deaf as a haddock - my cellphone vibrated galore, flashing text messages.

A Bore of a "Man"

When I was in my late 20's, I befriended a woman I met on a bus traveling from Port Authority to my parents' home upstate NY. She lived around the corner up here, but our paths never intersected because she was a few years' older. Back then, friendships were mostly made in childhood, during summers with peers the same age. The difference of four years when you're a kid was tantamount to forty.

Tales from a Female Driver's Perspective

When I was a teen-ager, I got my student driver's license at sixteen. Looking back, I'm astounded that anyone would let a sixteen year old behind the wheel!! I had major fender benders galore. My parents were very patient with me, although my father often sobbed, "I'm going to be sued!"

Going Deaf Has its Good Points

Note: Read in front of a live audience March 2012 in New York

“Going Deaf Has its Good Points”
by Maura Stone

Don't Pee on My Leg & Tell Me It's Rain

They say that imitation is the greatest form of flattery. Ha! I guess I should be flattered instead of seething...

Men, eDating and Mast*****ion - The Early Years

Seated across from an elegant woman at a restaurant, I gnawed the inside of my cheeks in a feeble attempt to refrain from laughing in her face.